Friday, May 06, 2005

Wanted - Pedophiles with Bad Knees

When pedophiles get older, it must be harder for them to kneel behind the bushes near their local high school, to sneak a peak at the luscious lovelies on parade. That's why sites like have popped up, mainly as online communities for the teen-to-30 set, but mostly it just feeds the frenzy of older creeps migrating to the Web. If you've never heard of it, it's a poorly designed, 14-million-member-strong portal for blogging and social networking.

<TV announcer voice>

Now you can stalk gullible teens from the comfort of your own home. Stop worrying about hurting your back or knees while crouching near the bus stop. Best of all, most parents don't have a clue what their kids are doing online. Log on now and get lonely jailbait to reveal , just by pretending to be her friend.

Log on within the next 30 minutes and you can use our free teen chat generator to avoid clumsy introductions. Just cut-and-paste this editable text into any IM window.

Wild_Eros69: Wow! You're a stud/babe. I really like your abs/boobs. My friends tell me I look like Orlando Bloom/Britney Spears. You can see sexy cool pics of me wearing a hot dress/Speedo/nothing right here.
</TV announcer voice>

And if it weren't for young girls posting lewd photos on services like, pedophiles would have almost no real content to peruse. Well, except for this enlightening post.

moms f***ing suck!!!!
Current mood: pissed off

my mother f***ing sucks! she took my cell phone away from me!!!! so now if you have get a hold me you can't call my cell (310) 62x xxxx... you have to call the house! (310) 39x xxxx!!!!! oh by the way i'm never really home! i'm soooooo pissed. i can't use my house phone because they took that outta my room! how the f*** does she expect me to talk to my friends and have a f***ing life!??! god i never wanna talk to her again!
Well, at least this post was more coherent than most.

[stands up and applauds Mom]

Not everyone is happy with MySpace's blogging tools, as evidenced by comments of former MySpace cadets. Meanwhile, the PR folks at have been working overtime to inform the public about the site's finer points. In Fall 2004, R.E.M. debuted a new album on This week, Nixon Nation claimed its records sales have soured soared, thanks to And Weezer's first album in three years debuts on MySpace this week. (via

As much as I hate to admit it, they must be doing something right.

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