Ho Ho Who the Hell Cares?

The controversy about whether or not to wish someone a Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays is so overblown. I'm fed up with broadcast pundits and religious leaders and their indignant airs about the so-called controversy. When did holiday greetings become fightin' words, partner? Do these people have nothing better to do? "Jesus," as my teenager would say.

But then, I got caught up in the controversy, too. (sheepish smile)

I'm watching that daytime estrogen-filled talk show, The View. I love the way these women talk over each other so it's often hard to make out what each is saying. The View is the perfect white noise for working at home.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck says she celebrates Christmas so her cards wish everyone a Merry Christmas, regardless of what they celebrate. Sending another person good wishes has nothing to do with the recipient, apparently. It's all about her. Anyone who is offended should let her know so she can take them off her list for next year. Besides, she's too busy to do anything special. Go ahead and send out your Christmas cards, Lazy...er...Lizzy, because that's not the offensive part. Your self-centered attitude during the holidays is, (channeling James Bond in Thunderball) you stupid twit.

Star Jones says her friends are happy to get a card from her at all, because she's so busy...and self-important, I guess. Awwwww. Viewers? Send your donations to the "My Give A Damn's Busted" Holiday Fund c/o ABC. Star's cards read Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. I've heard, due to the war in Iraq, there's a national shortage of available space on card stock. And Americans should always make it clear that Christmas is the only holiday that warrants mentioning by its proper name anyway.

Joy Behar says she sends out both Christmas and Hanukkah cards, because it doesn't take that much extra time. Hear, hear! Presumably, she only has two flavors of friends. (She's a white, heterosexual, middle-aged woman, so maybe so.) One year, Joy sent out holiday cards with both a Santa and a Rabbi. Hmmm. Come to think of it, we did that, too. (Yup, I'm a white, heterosexual, middle-aged woman, so go figure.) I can't speak for Joy, but my recipients were either offended or condescending. No one laughed with us. God forbid anyone should appreciate humor during the holidays.

Meredith Vieira ends the discussion by wishing a Happy Kwanzaa to folks who "follow that," as if to dismiss the whole horrible idea as soon as possible. Gee, Meredith, could you add a little more sarcasm next time?

Look, I am happy to make a special effort during the holidays to send out Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Ramadan or Diwali cards, if it's appropriate and I know the person/family well enough. Not everyone gets a gift from me, so it's the least I can do.

I don't expect people to follow my lead on card shopping or cardmaking obsessions. Few people's wallets can handle the extra money drain. Even fewer people have the time or talent to make cards. So here's my solution for you. If all-inclusive off-the-shelf cards seem too wishy-washy, take the time to pen a handwritten note. I've received "wrong holiday" cards with a personal note inside, and that has real meaning...canned Hallmark sentiments be damned. If someone doesn't know me that well and I get a greeting that isn't a fit, without a personalized note, I smile anyway. They thought about me, and for that, I'm happy.

But if your head-in-the-sand excuse during the holidays includes labor or time considerations, you're not off the hook. We're all busy. You're nothing special, Bubba. Neither are those who claim it's too much brain trauma to figure out who celebrates what among one's friends and family. Whatever. Make your choice, but don't you dare complain when others make theirs.

Bottom Line: The holidays aren't about you. The holidays are about spreading cheer to others and being sincerely grateful for receiving them, in whatever form. As for those who whine about acknowledging the diversity of the human race on this planet and in this country, too bad for you! You either care about goodwill or you don't. It's just that simple.

Roads Skolar Neads Inglish Lessin

Just who gets Rhodes Scholarships these days? Apparently, selfish backstabbers with bad grammar, if you take the finale of Donald Trump's Apprentice to heart. Randal Pinkett -- last night's winner in the top ranked reality TV show -- made a laughable, but successful argument when asked if Trump should also hire runner-up Rebecca Jarvis.

"This is the Apprentice, not the 'Apprenti'," insisted Randal, forever cementing his place in the Verbal Gaffes Hall of Shame, right next to The Potatoe Award for Dan Quayle. So let's make it fair and assume the plural of cactus is cactuses.

And as far as Trump's role in the kiss-off? After bragging that he takes hiring very seriously and emphasizing how it's not a game to him, he let someone else dictate a hiring decision on a last minute whim. Mr. Trump? If you really care about hiring the best, you'll find a prominent place for Rebecca in your organization and you won't sweep it under the rug.

Richard Pryor Passes On

Comedian Richard Pryor is gone. Not much to say other than we'll miss him.

I'm Keeping My Day Job

I guess I'm never going to become a helicopter pilot. I'm terrible at navigating a simple Web game application that simulates flying up and down to avoid obstacles. But at least it got me laughing.

Fly it for yourself

You Had Me At Hello

I found HumourNet's list of the "Top 15 Jewish Country and Western Song Titles" -- sure, it's a joke, but I had to stop and read them anyway.

Then I decided to make up my own country music title parodies. Here's a go...

"You Had Me At Shalom"

"Manischewitz Makes Her Clothes Fall Off"

"Moshe's Got His Purim Goggles On"

"Do You Want Kugel With That?"

"Play Something Klezmer"

Five Easy Pieces (of Bad Marketing)

My newspaper bill came in the mail today. It's time to renew my subscription to the Arizona Daily Star. Well, I'd like to renew online and save time, money and space, but something is amiss.

Click on each image in order, from left to right, to see my attempts to pay my bill.



I really think everyone in the Star's direct marketing department needs one-on-one training in how to type a URL. Not to mention that some IT manager needs to wake up the yokels in Web support.

You know, it's been a decade since the Web went commercial. You'd think a media outlet would have a clue by now. Aw, heck. It's only a small town newspaper. You can't expect these guys to proofread.

How hard can this be, to get a URL right in 2005? It's not like I'm ordering plain toast, which isn't on the menu.

Spying on Earth

A few years back, one of the "better-known" mapping sites had satellite images. It used to be a hoot to pull up our house and show my daughter.

Everybody and their mother browsed to that site after September 11, just to get a top-down look at the horrible hole in the ground. Then suddenly, one day, the technology was gone. (assumes teenage stance) What a rip-off!

Now the ability to see a bird's eye view of our house is back.

At first glance I'm digging MSN Virtual Earth better than Google Maps: the close up view is closer. The houses are bigger and the pictures are clearer. -- Search Engine Lowdown

To the Moon, Google! To the Moon!

These days, I'm working on a team tasked with putting together a new Web site and along with it, a team blog. So I started to look around the Web at different team blogs and found some very interesting concepts.

Uhhh....wait. That wasn't where I was originally going with this post. (pause)

Well, to make a long story short, I stopped by the Google Blog and read a recent post on a new Google mapping feature.

After our satellite maps integration was completed, Chikai, a Google Earth engineer, had time to make his lunar dream a reality -- sort of. -- Larry Schwimmer, Software Engineer

Then I clicked through...

In honor of the first manned Moon landing, which took place on July 20, 1969, we’ve added some NASA imagery to the Google Maps interface.

Yeppers...Google has gone extraterrestrial. Check it out.

Google Moon - Lunar Landing Sites

Murphy's Law of Shopping

I have always had a theory -- I call it "Murphy's Law of Shopping." I'm sure you know this one.

Whatever you buy, whenever you buy it, it will go on sale or you'll find an applicable coupon immediately after your purchase.

Imagine my delight when Amazon.com made "Murphy's Law of Shopping" work in my favor.

Date: 16 Jul 2005 21:49:28 -0700
From: "Amazon.com"
Subject: Your Amazon.com Order for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Book 6)

Hello from Amazon.com.

Good news! We've just lowered the price of "Harry Potter and the
Half-Blood Prince" from $17.99 to $16.99.

You don't need to do anything to get the lower price--we are automatically issuing you a $1.00 refund. This refund should be processed in the next few days and will appear as a credit on your next billing statement. We'll also send you a follow-up e-mail to confirm the refund once it has been completed.

Thanks again for shopping at Amazon.com. We hope you enjoy your book!

Let It Snow, Let It Snow Let It Snow

The heat of summer got you down? Yeah, me, too.

Try your hand at these games designed to kill time indoors, courtesy of the folks at Look and Feel New Media.

Make-a-Flake - snowflake

Buddy Lee Hangman

Duncan Man - Yo-Yos

Kohl's Crowd Control - Lee Dungarees

[ tags: paper crafts, games ]

Como agua para chocolate

Bloggers and hot water seem to go together these days. Fortunately, I received an email from the Electronic Frontier Foundation announcing its Legal Guide for Bloggers.

Bloggers have all of the responsibilities of traditional journalists with a third less calories. -- uncyclopedia entry on Blogs

The EFF covers liability, bloggers as journalists, and other legal issues. Blogging about political campaigns? Blogging at work? A blogger's life isn't that simple anymore. Unexpected bonus: the RCFP's Tape-Recording Laws at a Glance for podcasters, found as a link under Bloggers' FAQ - Media Access.

[ tags: blogging at wikipedia ]

Focus on the Feces

Holy sh*t! It's a slow news day when the front page story of the Arizona Daily Star is about horse excrement. Not that I want to give my local newspaper the business about its editorial policies, but come on! Are we so tired of the piles of depressing news, like roadside bomb attacks in Iraq, the disappearance of an Alabama honors student and American Idol scandals, that real caca has caught our attention? I hope this doesn't signal some type of movement in the news media.

All of a sudden, the cost of doing business has gone up," said Scott Porter, compliance and enforcement supervisor for the Pima County Department of Environmental Quality. -- Reporter Tom Beal, writing about the lack of disposal options

Between this story and the Star's recent coverage of the $14 million dollars spent unsuccessfully to eliminate the stench from a local waste treatment plant, I guess critics were right. Tucson is a crappy place to live.

Like most senior citizens, residents are less interested in world-changing events than they are fascinated by bodily functions. -- uncyclopedia entry for Tucson

So, Tom...the next time someone asks what you do for a living, you can truthfully answer that you write about crap. Yes, I'm sure you've already heard all the bad puns by now. Don't worry. We're dung now.

[ tags: newspapers, sewage, media ]

Podcasting - Monkey See, Monkey Do

Wondering how to create a podcast and get in on the craze? Well, you could come to one of my presentations, for starters. Or maybe you're too intimidated by the tools. Ask your young child to do it for you. I'm sure you can copy anything she does. Just watch her dainty little hands work the microphone on your PC and edit the audio file, all without skipping a beat. (sigh) Feeling a bit old, Dad? How degrading.

Okay, never mind. It doesn't look good to the boss to drag your kids to work anyway. So here's some real help.

Podcasting, by Todd Cochrane
Secrets of Podcasting, by Bart Farkas
Podcasting For Dummies, by Tee Morris, Evo Terra

While you're at it, check out my previous post, updated with links to podcasting resources and tutorials.

Come see my next presentation, if you're in the area.

[ tags: podcast, podcasting ]

Tracking Trends via the Blogosphere

Now here's something for all you PR fans...a way to track blog trends. Add this to your list of marketing activities. It'll serve you well.

Want the latest buzz about what's going on in politics, sports, entertainment or other current events? BlogPulse maps trends by mining the hot topics appearing in millions of blogs. -- Search Engine Watch, Jupitermedia Corporation.

[ tags: trends, blogs ]

Blogs Important to Marketing Strategy

Last night, I spoke at a meeting of the Inventors Association of Arizona (IAA), a non-profit organization dedicated to helping individual inventors get their product to market. My topic? An Insider's Guide to Blogs and Podcasts.

So this little tidbit in my inbox, an off-shoot of the same topic, was timely.

The blog has exploded. So much so that Merriam-Webster's Dictionary awarded it "the word of the year" in 2004. In that year, the percentage of Internet users who had read blogs spiked sharply from 17% to 27%. In the US, that translates to 32 million adults. -- via WebProWorld Forums

Now you're reading this blog, and you may be blogging, as well. But what about your company? Does your company have internal bloggers? Why or why not? Comment here.

[ technorati: marketing, blogs, blogging ]

Fodder for the Politically Incorrect

When I find a Web site I like, I keep visiting it and visiting it until I've worn my browser down to a nub. Case in point: The Uncyclopedia. If you have a weird sense of humor and don't get offended too easily, check out these recently updated pages:

Velveeta
Tucson
Kerri Strug

Journos Embrace Blogs

So much for the debate over journalism vs. blogs. Somebody with journalism clout at the LA Times decided it was time to get on board. Yeah, yeah -- I know. Blogs are another "great equalizer" for non-journalist types, so why are the professionals horning in on the action? Believe it or not, blogs are no longer the exclusive domain of the layperson. (Never mind. I guess you've already noticed...duh!) Yep, blogs have evolved into a mainstream tool of choice for opinionated business execs, PR folk, and tech-savvy journos. As a freelance writer, I've got a viewpoint or two to share. You might have some, too, so why wait? Give it a go and start blogging.

[ tags: bloggs, blogging, freelance writing, freelance writers ]

The Freelancer's Dream

If you've been virtually "pounding the pavement" for a few months, trying to land your first freelance writing job, you may have become discouraged...at least once, anyway. You may also wonder if there's any place in this competitive world for writers who go it alone, but recent news confirms freelancers are still in demand.

The poor business writing skills chronicled of late in national media bodes well for freelance writers, says Peter Bowerman, author of the award-winning "Well-Fed Writer" titles., as quoted in a recent news release

Looks like there are some lunches out there, waiting to be eaten, by freelancers at least. Perhaps the only thing standing between you and your opportunity is experience, and lots of it. Well, what are you waiting for?

[ technorati: freelance writing, freelance writers ]

Job Sites Often Neglected by Freelancers

Freelance writing isn't just for those pitching magazines and newspapers created by publishers or news outlets. Other businesses need skilled writers to create content, too. On Monster.com, I spotted a job listing for a Freelance Science Editorial Writer. Applicants need science and technical experience, to be applied to writing monthly magazine articles for a nutritional supplements company. I might not have found this lead if I'd restricted my job hunting to journalism sites and freelance forums.

Among freelancers, generic job sites are often dismissed as not yielding much in the way of quality writers' leads. Well, you might not find an exact match for the "freelance writer" job title, but if you read further, you could uncover new markets...at least ones you never considered. Here's how. Search Monster.com, Yahoo! HotJobs, CareerBuilder, or your favorite job site with the keyword "freelance." Read each result to carefully uncover the phrase responsible for managing freelance writers., or something to that effect. And now you've got new prospects for your freelance writing queries.

[ technorati: freelance writing, freelance writers ]

American Idol Voting Conspiracy

I had almost lost total faith in humanity (not really) when I heard that the American Idol results were fixed. Johnjay and Rich say it's true so it must be. (scoff) On their Tucson-based broadcast -- once noted as one of the top morning radio shows in the country, according to Radio and Record Magazine -- the DJs claimed the Idol album predicted the winners of the show all along.

Considering the album had to have been cut weeks ago, that would mean the entire show was fixed from the start, right? At least a month to put the album into production, perhaps. Album release date on Amazon.com? May 17, 2005. Huh! Only a week to go before the show ends. Show finale? May 25, 2005. Hmmmm. Could be. Could be.

I don't own the album, but I decided to test this theory anyway. I compared the Idol tracks listed on Amazon.com with results on the official show site. So here goes...

1. Independence Day - Carrie Underwood (Winner On 5/25/05)
2. I Don't Want to Be - Bo Bice (Voted Off 5/25/05)
3. Best of My Love - Vonzell Solomon (Voted Off 5/18/05)
4. A House Is Not A Home - Anwar Robinson (Voted Off 4/20/05)
5. You Don't Have To Say You Love Me - Nadia Turner (Voted Off 4/13/05)
6. Part-Time Lover - Nikko Smith (Voted Off 4/6/05)
7. My Funny Valentine - Constantine Maroulis (Voted Off 4/27/05)
8. Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Jessica Sierra (Voted Off 3/30/05)
9. Everytime You Go Away - Anthony Fedorov (Voted Off 5/11/05)
10. Against All Odds - Scott Savol (Voted Off 5/4/05)
11. Knock on Wood - Lindsey Cardinale (Voted Off 3/16/05)
12. God Bless the Child - Mikalah Gordon (Voted Off 3/24/05)

I guess if you only looked at the first three tracks, you could claim something was up. But the remaining tracks reveal a much different story than hinted at by DJs and blog gossips.

A month ago, it became pretty clear who was going to make it to the final three. (Yeah, sure! I say that now! Ha! Great hindsight.) If Constantine had washed his hair more often, he might not have been voted off on April 27. We crossed our fingers that arrogant Scott would soon be put out of his, and our, misery. He cemented his final place in mediocrity on May 4. And we knew shallow American viewers would only let hole-in-the-throat boy go so far, despite his amazing story and fortitude. Anthony's claim to fame vanished on May 11.

Those critical eliminations out of the way, there was just enough time for RCA, the music-savvy judges and the American Idol producers to collectively decide the album order, if that's how it happened. And that's my theory.

Well, so much for conspiracies. Back to something more reliable, like my current issue of the National Enquirer.

[ technorati: conspiracy theory, American Idol, voting fraud ]

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