Monday, July 29, 2013

It's Time We Did Something About Annoying Facebook Posts

Are you fed up with imbecilic, unfunny memes shared on your fan pages?

Are you disillusioned with the lack of acumen by most online users?

Would you like to deal with less "duh-oh" interaction and enjoy more mental stimulation?

Hello. My name's Kim Bayne. I'm the admin for the Facebook Fan Page for Condescending Asshats.

If you're looking for a quick way to get smarter followers then pay close attention because I'm going to reveal the secrets of filtering Facebook LIKEs before they happen.

Let's talk about the benefits of attracting over-educated Facebook users...
  • No one dares post questions about anything previously answered
  • You won't have to admit you're mistaken about anything ever again
  • Smart users are just more challenging in general

Here's what one of our followers said in a recent fax to us:

"My membership in the Facebook Fan Page for Condescending Asshats is particularly felicitous, so I had it inscribed on my business cards."

And here's what another one of our followers said:

"Shut the F#$% up. I'm playing Words with Friends."

You, too, can join the tens of Facebook admins who save time moderating their fan pages.

Go ahead. If you want to dissuade polite, but less patronizing followers, AND enjoy the imagined benefits of...
  • clever cultural sub-references by angry Dennis Miller wannabes,
  • repeated spam by egotists touting their recent accomplishments,
  • alienating every decent human being who ever meant anything to you,
then make sure you LIKE my Facebook Fan Page today.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  ~ Kelly Clarkson

Credit: The previous infomercial script was generated free of charge with the Online Infomercial Script Creator at

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